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Spontaneous Combustion

So I’ve been playing TimeShift, an FPS that gives you the ability to slow down, stop, and reverse time. Unfortunately, there aren’t a ton of applications for these abilities beyond kicking ass, but the neat part is finding ways to use time manipulation to mess with your foe’s head, and thinking about how things must be like from his perspective.

Some of it’s scripted in, perfect example being weapon snatching. Upon encountering some poor grunt, you stop time, run up to him, grab his weapon, step back, then resume time. Nine times out of ten, his immediate response is total confusion, followed by some serious grovelling:

On the other hand, some of the results aren’t entirely predetermined, turning the whole playscape into some sort of sicko, carnage sandbox. Stop time, fire an explosive-tipped arrow at a guard, and watch the blast literally rip his skin off his body. You get another precious half second to stare at this Bodyworlds exhibit you’ve just created before time resumes and his carcass breaks into chunky bits. Who’s more sick, the developers for letting this happen, or me for pausing the game to gleefully clap my hands every time this happens?

Then there’s this scenario:

Maybe I have problems, but I just find this funny. You’ve sneaked up on these two guys talking about whatever, paused time, launched a Thunderbolt arrow into the leg of the guy in the gym teacher outfit, then resumed time quickly enough to have him explode in “real” time. Imagine what it would be like being that other guy sitting on the crate.

Now if you re-watch around 0:08 you can really get a feel for his actual reaction: he pauses for half a second, then slowly turns around as though someone has just lightly tapped him on the shoulder. Bro, your friend just exploded for no particular reason! How about you scrape some of his liver off your tongue, tear off your helmet, and scream at the world like Manech in A Very Long Engagement? Maybe a little arm flailing, at least?

Let’s put this in perspective. Have you ever had a watercooler-type conversation with a guy who, mid-sentence, accidentally launched a piece of food that was dislodged from his molars, sending it along a graceful arc that ends by your shoe? Or, heaven forbid, let slip a little gas? Or unintentionally belched during the last word of his sentence? (I do recall one time that actually happened: the word was “zero,” a perfect belching word due to the absence of hard consonants.) All three are worthy conversation stoppers, the kind where at best there is an uncomfortable pause as both parties silently acknowledge what has happened before resuming their chit-chat.

Using these as a baseline, how would you feel if the guy you were talking shop with, complaining about the company benefits plan, or maybe how crap the weather has been lately, suddenly burst into kibble, two feet from you frickin’ face? You think your body language might communicate something a tad more panicked than, “Hey, is someone back there having french fries?”

TimeShift is good times.

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