Combat Mission Battle Logs

9/29/2005

AAR

Filed under: — thimble @ 2:46 pm

After a long vacation from CM, i’m back baby! This mission was well fought by both sides. We some good luck the Canadians gained the advantage and were able to take most of the east and west flank of the main town. My Canucks were entering the city and would soon be involved in house to house combat with the Germans.

For some reason this map seemed very biased towards the Allies. I received something like 4 tanks when the germans received none. Top did receive a few anti-tank guns, some type of cheap recoilless rifle guns, not pak40s or anything. I guess the germans didn’t want this town in the end anyways.

I learnt a bunch about advancing infantry on defended position and a bit about mortars. Oh and for some reason i also got a bunch of sharpshooters, they did surprisingly well, although they get low on ammo very quickly. We had to finish this mission early since we both forgot our passwords and it was using an old version of CM.

-Thimble

10/16/2004

Turn 8 – wall haxorz

Filed under: — Top Hat @ 1:52 pm

After having this turn movie sent to me about 38 weeks after I sent my last orders in, I couldn’t remember what in the hell was going on. Let’s see, press PLAY on movie. . . ah, yes, I am getting pieces of my bloodied ass handed to me from every direction.

Since everything has gone to shit for me, I thought it’d be a good opportunity to have all the troops fall back to the houses for some good ol’ “house-to-house mayhem”. It’s sort of like hide-and-go-seek, except instead of trying to tag someone while getting all giggly, you try to penetrate their fucking skull with a blazing hot bullet and force blood and brain matter to land on their shoulders, forming fleshy-looking epaulettes on their uniform, thus adding some old-school army sophistication. (And dare I add, sexiness? Who doesn’t love a man in uniform!)

The manual isn’t all too detailed about how house attacking/defending works, and after this, I’m still confused. Here are two classic examples of “qu’est-ce que le fuck syndrome”. . . the first takes place at the church, and the second over at the town.

Check out the three Shermans all firing in unison, playing that gentle war melody that every culture and creed can understand: the sound of shells heading in your direction. You can see the glorious muzzle flashes from two of them, and smoke spews forth from the third, that has just fired (just right of centre):
tanks firing on church

And at what are they aiming? Why, Mr. Bauer of course, hidden on the second floor of the church. Watch Boogie Down Bauer do the backspin and windmall simultaneously as the shells land. Nice moves, BDB! The Bronx can’t touch Dresden’s finest breakdancer. Body movin’!
Bauer getting hit

Now here’s what gets me. Here’s an exterior view of the church, with the third and last shell landing. The rectangle indicates that Bauer’s group is behind this wall (and please note that the rectangle is now sideways, confirming that he’s on his back, DEAD).
church exterior view

Here’s the thing… do you see a window? I fucking sure as hell don’t. Yet, Bauer and friends were shooting from that spot, and the Shermans knew where to fire. So, how does this work, anyway?

Onto example two.

wallshot 1wallshot 2

[LEFT] Over at the town, my CO unit was ordered to fall back from the top floor window and head downstairs. Before moving back from the window, the CO had spotted a Canadian unit running towards the house, but once he had moved away, no visual contact could be made. Here’s the CO running on the ground floor of the house, as well as a marker (the totally classy and awesome maple leaf!) indicating the last known position of the Canadian unit.
[RIGHT] Next thing you know, these two ass monkeys are firing at each other, through the damn wall! Note the grenade the Canuck just tossed, and now both units have guns drawn and are firing at each other.

wallshot 3wallshot 4

[LEFT] The grenade goes through the wall, lands, and explodes. The Canucks scream “Wow, these grenades gracefully move through solid objects just like Patrick Swayze did in Ghost! Let’s throw MORE!”
[RIGHT] Finally, some of the CO’s pistol shots also penetrate the wall and force Captain Canuck to hit the dirt. Meanwhile, wall-penetrating grenade #3 explodes so close to the CO, it looks like he’s have a massive diarrhea attack. I mean just look at him. Can’t you just picture him screaming “no more old cheese for me!”

I realize this combat engine isn’t meant to accommodate precise house fighting, but it’s kind of hard to figure out how and where to position men inside a house (or in your case, how to approach a house) if people can see, and fire at each other in an illogical manner. Is there a pattern here? How do I position people? What do they cover?

I RTFM’d and I don’t recall seeing any detailed information. It mentioned that windows play a role in being spotted, and it’s possible that the CO was seen by another Canadian unit, through a window not shown in this screenshot. But look at them. . . they’re shooting at each other through a wall! I’m getting CS flashbacks!!

Oh and by the way, these examples include two of my CO units. Congrats on reducing my leadership head count. Looks like I’m left with a bunch of Pvt. Ryans who need some serious saving.

Turn 6 Revisited

Filed under: — Top Hat @ 1:51 pm

NO! NO! NNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

platoon

NEIN! NEIN! NEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIINNNNNN!

platoon

10/7/2004

Turn 7 – Germans can fly?

Filed under: — thimble @ 11:51 pm

The battle continues with another recoilless rifle firing at my sherman tanks from it’s trench infront of the church. There also appears to be a mortar team nearby, let’s listen in…

two guys talking in trench
Dolf: Hey Hans, i heard the hooker boys just surrendered!
Hans: Shit! I really liked those guys, best handjobs in town.
Dolf: Well it doesn't really matter we're getting our asses pounded!
Hans: Kinda like those hooker boys!
Dolf: HaHa good one Hans!

After this comment Hans was immediately tossed into the air like a ragdoll

explosion flying

I think this is when you should run away Top! You don’t want to have your guys steamrolled!

-Thimble

Turn 6 – Don’t Shoot, Me Love you long time!

Filed under: — thimble @ 11:47 pm

On the short side of the town there lays a single trench with about 200m of wheatfield protecting the city. Just passed the wheatfield lies a protective forrest that my infantry are using as cover. I decided to lay down some artillery fire and smoke to try and scare whatever or whoever is in that trench. Little did i know it would be a squad of male german hookers who also operate the local recoilless rifle! Glad to see you boys! They surrendered quickly when they saw the human wave of infantry coming out of the forrest.

captured

Top they also told me about all your plans so you might want to quit now!

-Thimble

Turn 5 – Jude Law in Enemy at the Gates 2

Filed under: — thimble @ 11:39 pm

I was given several sharpshooter units for this mission, usually i use them to scout out the enemy and engage tank commanders who enjoy the wind against their face along with a bullet to the eye! After learning that Top got zero tanks in the battle I decided to use them as long range snipers against this LMG squad, who is causing havok for my advancing team.

sniper shot 1 sniper shot 2

As you can see Jude has them dead to rights, the enemy’s head is taking up the entire screen of the awp scope!

Well now what? I’m running out of guys to kill top! Maybe if i send this team into the town they’ll get some no scope awp kills! l33t!

-Thimble

9/26/2004

Preamble

Filed under: — Top Hat @ 2:45 am

scenario briefing

9/25/2004

Turn 23 – Stalemate

Filed under: — Top Hat @ 10:31 pm

After Thimble’s ramming attempt with his Sherman, the next bunch of turns saw me cautiously moving my Tigers over the ridge, and Thimble moving his reinforcements into position. Shortly after his last Sherman was destroyed, we had this exchange on ICQ:

Thimble: now wtf am i supposed to do? Ram my greyhounds into your tigers???
Thimble: you’re going to smoke me!
Top Hat: you’ve got another sherman and reinforcements
Thimble: i don’t get any reinforcements of shermans!
Thimble: seriously

“Seriously,” he claims. He was pretty serious when my Tiger finally made visual contact with four M10 tank destroyers, all moving in for the kill. Wow, what a spineless lying sack of shit.

Anyhoo, the rest of the scenario…

Turn 16: Four M10 tank destroyers show up on the horizon. Seriously.

Turn 17: The lead Tiger knocks out one M10. Seriously.

Turn 18: The lead Tiger takes out two more M10s (hitting each at least twice), and in turn ends up taking two hits as well. Seriously.

Meanwhile, the other Tiger, preoccupied with the dust cloud to the flank, stupidly crawled out of its hull-down position, only to be completely wasted by the fourth M10.

Turn 19-20: My last Tiger and Thimble’s last M10 aren’t going to be too aggressive. Meanwhile, my last remaining Panzer IV (gun damaged) and Thimble’s last Greyhound are in somewhat more adventurous moods. I send my Panzer straight to where I think the M10 may be hiding. Thimble sends his Greyhound charging in over the ridge to my flank.

Turn 21: My Panzer IV spots the M10, and isn’t it tragic that the Panzer’s destination point is right where the M10 is sitting. Before the turn’s end, the M10 scores two hits on the Panzer, but does not take it out! Seriously.

Turn 22: My Panzer IV, now in the sights of both the M10 and Greyhound, ends up taking a total of five hits, the two brutal shots naturally coming from the M10 (the Greyhound’s hits were similar to a butt-smack that happens during street b-ball in a Cranberries T-shirt).

Turn 23: Computer stops the game and calls us both pathetic losers. The After Action Report:

after action report

final map
A bird’s eye view of the main combat area, with units enlarged to +4. The critical ridge line in this scenario is indicated by the line of abandonned tanks. Remaining units in the stalemate are the lead Tiger (centre, hidden among trees), an M10 (top, hidden behind trees), and a Greyhound (far right, charging in like a mad man). The turn before this, the now smoking Panzer IV (second from the right) was part of the action. What the fuck are those infantry cacks doing?

Top Hat’s star of the scenario:
I can’t decide between Unt. Heinrich “Klassy” Klassen’s Tiger tank, which scored 7 confirmed kills, or Unt. Werner’s Super Panzer IV, which survived 7 hits before finally going down in flames.

Turn 12 – Wrath of Khan

Filed under: — thimble @ 10:18 am

After having lost all 3 of my sherman tank brothers I’ve decided that the only way to stop this madman is to ram him! He must be stopped or the entire universe will be overrun by his genetically enhanced nazi thugs. I’ve spotted Khan’s tank, and I’m at full speed!

trying to ram tiger

This one’s for Timmy…shit he’s spotted me, i just hope we’re able to ram him before he can stop us!

ramming failed

KHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN! No a lucky track hit as your first shot! Come one! Don’t worry my greyhoung got away and is rallying the reinforcements as we speak. You won’t get far Khan!

-Thimble

9/20/2004

Turn 11 – Greyhounds: Breakaway Speed, but Slow on Those Turns

Filed under: — Top Hat @ 9:30 pm

Now that the Shermans have been taken care of, onto business with those scumbag Greyhounds! I ordered a Tiger to start making a run for the high point along the main road, in the hopes of catching those two asswipes. And boy, did I ever catch them with their pants down. At the end of the last turn, they saw the Tiger at the bottom of the hill and slammed on the brakes. I assumed they were going to gun it in reverse until they were at least out of sight. Instead, they decided to practice their 3-point turns. It was very educational…

3-point turn, part 1
3-point turn, part 2
3-point turn, part 3
3-point turn, part 4

The other Greyhound managed to get away. Cue Benny Hill theme:
runaway

I think he covered half a kilometre in about 4 seconds. I commend you on your ability to flee!

9/19/2004

Mid-Scenario Postcard

Filed under: — Top Hat @ 5:49 pm

postcard
Got this postcard from uncle Heinrich. Note how the ridge-line is a real kill zone!

Turn 10 – Draknor Redux!

Filed under: — thimble @ 12:28 pm

Well my other sherman team decided to put on their anti-draknor goggles, their commander has informed them this will protect them from any of draknor’s weapons! This could prove the turning point, these goggles are the culmination of the brooklyn project, a secret government science project to produce a defense against the evil draknor!

wearing draknor goggles

This is the moment of truth! This is what it all comes down too, will years of research and millions spent on this research project pay off? I’ll let the picture speak for itself…

explosion

-Thimble

Turn 9 – I call him Draknor!

Filed under: — thimble @ 12:12 pm

Well this turn started out in the noble cause of science, my hypothesis was that german nazis crush easily under sherman tank treads. Like many other noble causes this one was stop short by an evil tyrrant, i call him draknor! Draknor takes the form of a tiger tank in this tale and man does he ruin it for my sherman guys!

As you can see i come over the ridge looking for nazi’s to steamroll, maybe the nazis are hiding behind those trees? Let’s have a look!

looking for easy kills

Oh shit, it’s draknor! As you can see from the pic draknor shells penetrate easily into sherman armor like the high school quarterback underneath the bleachers with the cheerleading capt! Anyways it was a firery death for my sherman boys, but don’t worry you will be avenged! The greyhounds are moving into position! And by moving into position i mean running for the hills!

draknor

This is a exact moment that sgt. smith’s face riped off and landed in the lap of the other sherman commander. Nice explosion though

huge sherman explosion

-Thimble

9/15/2004

Turn 7 – The Marksman

Filed under: — Top Hat @ 10:29 pm

You probably didn’t know this, but I had another Panzer IV to your far right. I was planning to have him slowly move up to the crest of the ridge and try to hit your Shermans from behind, because I just know you were planning to send the Shermans forward toward the abandoned Panzers in an attempt to run over the surviving crewmen, Command & Conquer style, because you’re a sadistic fuck who enjoys listening to shock-jock radio.

My Panzer started to make its way up the ridge, and it didn’t seem like the pack of Shermans had spotted him. But guess who does? A stupid armoured car driving along the road, much further back. Upon spotting my Panzer, the kawk instantly fires his machinegun, and manages to kill the commander. Oh, but that’s not all, the piece of shit is at least half a kilometre away and firing the machinegun while moving. The Panzer crew is in shock because they see Lt. Schepke’s legs convulsing while the back of his trousers slowly become soiled. The armoured car has all the time in the world to stop, aim, and nail the Panzer a couple of times, killing more of the crew.

That’s pretty damn impressive if you ask me. Hitting a man’s head on a moving tank, with a machinegun on a moving AFV, from at least 500 metres away.

Lt. Schepke’s dying wish is that you drive over there and kiss his ass, which will be stone cold by the time you get there.

pic of bs hs
Assface firing his vehicle-mounted machinegun at a Panzer that no normal human would’ve been able to spot (centre of circle). Sgt. Buttlich (shown inset) commented after the battle “Vell you see, I am running the server off my own Rogers connection and I have low ping so people say zat I get lawky head shots but it’s really skill I have the most headshots on my server it’s a lot like za engineering rifle on za Pacific maps in Battlefield…”

Death to the Timmy Killers!

Filed under: — thimble @ 4:11 pm

This turn could’ve went either way, it started out with 2 german tanks in firing range of 4 US Shermans. Having lost 3 tanks already and one with a turret hit the german tankers were quickly drowning in their own piss! And it seems from this picture that one of the panzer tanks actually starting shitting itself!

shitting panzer!

And i understand that reaction, those tankers are probably trying to communicate to their commander TopHat and Top’s in the other room with a pillow over his head after seeing all 4 shermans targetting this panzer. Obviously this tank died a painful death and i think one of the tanker’s bailed out into the pile of shit and died of suffication.

Here’s a shot matrix style of the tank shell entering the orifface of Top’s tank! No Neo style moves can get out of the way of this Nazi-Killing shell! You should’ve taken the blue pill!

matrix tank shell

Next over the ridge comes a tank filled with TopHat supporters ready to die for him! I boy did Top ever let them die! From over 500m away my Greyhound pounded the side of the tank not once but twice! I think the first shot was the killing shot since Top’s tank didn’t fire again and the second side penetrating was the coup de grace.

side fuck

Now i have to congratulate Top on hitting my lead sherman, although you didn’t knock him out you did manage to damage the gun and kill yound timmy, and they were shocked to find that timmy’s groin wrapped around the fuzzy dice near the driver’s seat when they took the hit. Don’t worry Timmy you’ll be avenged!

-Thimble

9/14/2004

Turn 5 – Smackdown

Filed under: — Top Hat @ 10:06 am

What a horrible round for me. I now see a tightly grouped pack of Shermans emerging from the cloud of dust they’re kicking up, and still can spot some lighter AFVs heading toward my position on the main road. In the end, I lost two Panzer IIIs, and another Panzer may be out of action (it was hit in the dying seconds of the turn, but I’m unsure of its status).

The Panzer by the road was destroyed because of my stupidity. When I was setting up his orders, I wanted to straighten him out to take a shot at the AFVs further down the road (he was pointing a bit to the right). I was setting up a cover arc, but noticed a “Cover Armor” option in the menu. I used that instead, and thinking it would be like an infantry Cover Arc order, I set an arc directly ahead of the Panzer, thinking it would rotate as the main hull rotated left to face the enemy. Well guess what, it didn’t.

Instead, as the Panzer rotated counter-clockwise, the turret remained at its original orientation. He was looking at nothing but sand and camel shit! The tank started to move up the hill, but the commander was just sitting out there, looking at nothing. Boom… the Panzer was smoked instantly, and the commander just disappeared from the turret. I guess that means the upper half his body is buried in the sand 100m away, and the lower half of his body is still inside the tank. I watched the movie several times, and I have no idea which Allied AFV killed him.

looking the wrong way
Hans: Unteroffizier, why aren’t we watching out for American vehicles down the road?
Unt Kahn: I was ordered to stare in this direction. O mein Gott! Look at that lucious pile of camel shit!

paying the price for looking the wrong way
Unt Kahn: “MEIN LEBEN!”
Hans: “Team! Fall back!”

Meanwhile, some of the other Panzers were ordered to Hunt in the direction of the main Sherman force. I had ordered them to spots that I thought were decent Hull Down positions. You don’t want to know how much time I spent scrutinizing the landscape to determine that they were suitable. Well it looks like I need new fuckin’ glasses. Two Panzer IIIs made contact with the group of Shermans (looks like there are four of them so far), and one Panzer kept snapping his turret around at each target. I guess Helmut couldn’t make up his fuckin’ mind. Anyway, I hit your lead Sherman twice, but it looks like it’s still in good shape. The part that pissed me off is my second hit ricocheted off your turret. Why? Because your Sherman spotted another Panzer and turned its turret to engage! So what could’ve been the killing shot glances off because the Sherman’s turret is spinning around, and then it appears that the same Sherman fired and injured my other Panzer. Come one!

I think this one’s over!

Turn 4 – Contact

Filed under: — Top Hat @ 10:05 am

Finally, after several turns of showing each other our dust clouds, we both make contact. I lost a Panzer, and you lost an armoured car, as they exchanged fire. The Panzer was the “lead” of sorts, as it was the first to get high enough to survey the horizon. It was nestled between the clusters of palm trees by the road, which I figured might provide some concealment from any threat from out in the desert. (I can see a very large dust cloud swirling out there.)

Here’s the kicker: as the Panzer and your armoured car exchange fire, they end up knocking each other out at the same time. Both of their killing shots were their last. My Panzer took out your AFV, but the AFV had already fired the shell that would kill my Panzer commander. I replayed the movie with the camera right behind your armoured car. I see the AFV fire a shot, see it take a hit, hear “GGRRRGGGGUUUURRGGLL”, then hear “GOOD SHOT!” all within a 1-2 second span. I guess the guy celebrating the hit wasn’t the guy who was swallowing his own tongue and nose.

My Panzer took a hit, but wasn’t out of action immediately. It started backing up, but then something blew and it was out of action. I guess something popped inside, causing a couple of casualties. The really shitty thing about this is that tank had my platoon leader in it. He gave the other Panzers in his group a Command bonus of +1. I think this scenario was over the moment he was killed.

EDIT: a Sherman on the flank dealt the killing blow, as shown in the sweet sweet screen captures…

panzer and greyhound exchange fire
The U.S. M8 Greyhound and the German Panzer III score near-simultaneous hits on each other. The Greyhound is out of action, and the damaged Panzer begins to roll back to a hidden position.

retreating panzer nailed by sherman
As the Panzer retreats, three Shermans to its left flank track it. The lead Sherman fires (muzzle flash visible left-of-centre on the horizon) and scores a turret hit. The sight of their commander’s guts all over the inside of the tank prompts the rest of the crew to calmly head for the nearest emergency exit.

9/10/2004

Preamble

Filed under: — Top Hat @ 12:09 am

scenario briefing

9/8/2004

After Action Report, Part Deux

Filed under: — Top Hat @ 10:38 pm

Here is the After Action Report.
after battle report
I don’t know how they calculate the points for enemy casualties. Any idea? Maybe we’ll have dig through the battlefront forums.

Surveying the battlefield, I noticed one funny thing. Here is a thumbnail (of sorts) of just about the entire battlefield. Notice my cover arcs on my surviving units, showing that all remaining infantry have fallen back to the top of the hill, which is on the bottom portion of the map. Now look at the top of the battlefield, and there’s a tiny yellow rectangle, top-centre:
something

I took a closer look and it’s this green vehicle crew, lying in the grass. They are in the middle of nowhere, and their status is “Pinned” and their current action is “Taking Cover”…
lone crazed unit

Taking cover from what? The scent of death? A bad fart? Flying heads? The sound of babies crying? See, this is what happens when you send 14 year olds to war.

As payback for all the trash talk you dished out in your turn emails, I’m going to name my three stars for the game. The first star wins a 4 megapixel digital camera from Kodak!!

Third Star: The 81mm mortar team led by Lt. Shelman (Get it? Shelman?)
Earlier in the game, Lt. Shelman’s mortar team rained high explosive shells, thumbtacks, diseased sheep, and 16-day-old dog feces on the crossroads for three straight turns. Lt. Shelman’s team survived the battle, although like the 8 year old German soldier to the north, they were freaking out by the battle’s end. 8 infantry casualties caused, and 1 set of mortars destroyed.

Second Star: The bazooka team led by Cpl. Daly
Although many engineers and bazooka teams bravely attacked vehicles, Cpl. Daly’s team scored the killing blow to the second Panzer IV, which was threatening the hilltop positions as well as my last Sherman. They tirelessly fell back uphill, hid in the woods, and threatened the final halftrack charge by the Germans causing them to back off, giving the U.S. forces the time they needed. This selfless act resulted in their deaths. 2 infantry casualties caused, 1 Panzer IV destroyed.

First Star: The Sherman tank led by Sgt. Dunlop
They weren’t veterans, merely regulars. Yet, they managed to throw a big wrench in the Germans’ gears. They were ultimately nailed by a mighty Tiger from the side, but their deeds won’t be forgotten, and the surviving crew will make good use of the digital camera. 6 infantry casualties caused, 2 STUGs destroyed, 1 PSW 222 armoured car destroyed.

After Action Report

Filed under: — thimble @ 5:25 pm

Well the boys from texas were able to slow the german assualt, so the mission finished without the germans ever taking a flag. I think the major problem for my troops was they couldn’t get through all the dead american bodies! They were tripping over texans everwhere, just couldn’t find a direct route without bodies acting as road blocks.

So Top good job on winning our first battle, next time I’ll have to work harder at winning instead of erradicating your troops. Also maybe i shouldn’t have lost so much armour. I guess the thing with this map isn’t if the yexans can stop the germans, it’s more of how long they can hold the tide. Because from my point of view i had way more troops and way more armour. The only thing i was missing was more artillery, but i never use those assests very well.

If I played as the USA i think i would’ve been more conservative and waited for the germans to be really close before opening up, so the APCs couldn’t harass me too much since they’d be swiss cheese from the bazookas.

-Thimble

Questions? Comments? Email us!