Combat Mission Battle Logs



Filed under: — Top Hat @ 2:45 am

scenario briefing


Turn 23 – Stalemate

Filed under: — Top Hat @ 10:31 pm

After Thimble’s ramming attempt with his Sherman, the next bunch of turns saw me cautiously moving my Tigers over the ridge, and Thimble moving his reinforcements into position. Shortly after his last Sherman was destroyed, we had this exchange on ICQ:

Thimble: now wtf am i supposed to do? Ram my greyhounds into your tigers???
Thimble: you’re going to smoke me!
Top Hat: you’ve got another sherman and reinforcements
Thimble: i don’t get any reinforcements of shermans!
Thimble: seriously

“Seriously,” he claims. He was pretty serious when my Tiger finally made visual contact with four M10 tank destroyers, all moving in for the kill. Wow, what a spineless lying sack of shit.

Anyhoo, the rest of the scenario…

Turn 16: Four M10 tank destroyers show up on the horizon. Seriously.

Turn 17: The lead Tiger knocks out one M10. Seriously.

Turn 18: The lead Tiger takes out two more M10s (hitting each at least twice), and in turn ends up taking two hits as well. Seriously.

Meanwhile, the other Tiger, preoccupied with the dust cloud to the flank, stupidly crawled out of its hull-down position, only to be completely wasted by the fourth M10.

Turn 19-20: My last Tiger and Thimble’s last M10 aren’t going to be too aggressive. Meanwhile, my last remaining Panzer IV (gun damaged) and Thimble’s last Greyhound are in somewhat more adventurous moods. I send my Panzer straight to where I think the M10 may be hiding. Thimble sends his Greyhound charging in over the ridge to my flank.

Turn 21: My Panzer IV spots the M10, and isn’t it tragic that the Panzer’s destination point is right where the M10 is sitting. Before the turn’s end, the M10 scores two hits on the Panzer, but does not take it out! Seriously.

Turn 22: My Panzer IV, now in the sights of both the M10 and Greyhound, ends up taking a total of five hits, the two brutal shots naturally coming from the M10 (the Greyhound’s hits were similar to a butt-smack that happens during street b-ball in a Cranberries T-shirt).

Turn 23: Computer stops the game and calls us both pathetic losers. The After Action Report:

after action report

final map
A bird’s eye view of the main combat area, with units enlarged to +4. The critical ridge line in this scenario is indicated by the line of abandonned tanks. Remaining units in the stalemate are the lead Tiger (centre, hidden among trees), an M10 (top, hidden behind trees), and a Greyhound (far right, charging in like a mad man). The turn before this, the now smoking Panzer IV (second from the right) was part of the action. What the fuck are those infantry cacks doing?

Top Hat’s star of the scenario:
I can’t decide between Unt. Heinrich “Klassy” Klassen’s Tiger tank, which scored 7 confirmed kills, or Unt. Werner’s Super Panzer IV, which survived 7 hits before finally going down in flames.

Turn 12 – Wrath of Khan

Filed under: — thimble @ 10:18 am

After having lost all 3 of my sherman tank brothers I’ve decided that the only way to stop this madman is to ram him! He must be stopped or the entire universe will be overrun by his genetically enhanced nazi thugs. I’ve spotted Khan’s tank, and I’m at full speed!

trying to ram tiger

This one’s for Timmy…shit he’s spotted me, i just hope we’re able to ram him before he can stop us!

ramming failed

KHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN! No a lucky track hit as your first shot! Come one! Don’t worry my greyhoung got away and is rallying the reinforcements as we speak. You won’t get far Khan!



Turn 11 – Greyhounds: Breakaway Speed, but Slow on Those Turns

Filed under: — Top Hat @ 9:30 pm

Now that the Shermans have been taken care of, onto business with those scumbag Greyhounds! I ordered a Tiger to start making a run for the high point along the main road, in the hopes of catching those two asswipes. And boy, did I ever catch them with their pants down. At the end of the last turn, they saw the Tiger at the bottom of the hill and slammed on the brakes. I assumed they were going to gun it in reverse until they were at least out of sight. Instead, they decided to practice their 3-point turns. It was very educational…

3-point turn, part 1
3-point turn, part 2
3-point turn, part 3
3-point turn, part 4

The other Greyhound managed to get away. Cue Benny Hill theme:

I think he covered half a kilometre in about 4 seconds. I commend you on your ability to flee!


Mid-Scenario Postcard

Filed under: — Top Hat @ 5:49 pm

Got this postcard from uncle Heinrich. Note how the ridge-line is a real kill zone!

Turn 10 – Draknor Redux!

Filed under: — thimble @ 12:28 pm

Well my other sherman team decided to put on their anti-draknor goggles, their commander has informed them this will protect them from any of draknor’s weapons! This could prove the turning point, these goggles are the culmination of the brooklyn project, a secret government science project to produce a defense against the evil draknor!

wearing draknor goggles

This is the moment of truth! This is what it all comes down too, will years of research and millions spent on this research project pay off? I’ll let the picture speak for itself…



Turn 9 – I call him Draknor!

Filed under: — thimble @ 12:12 pm

Well this turn started out in the noble cause of science, my hypothesis was that german nazis crush easily under sherman tank treads. Like many other noble causes this one was stop short by an evil tyrrant, i call him draknor! Draknor takes the form of a tiger tank in this tale and man does he ruin it for my sherman guys!

As you can see i come over the ridge looking for nazi’s to steamroll, maybe the nazis are hiding behind those trees? Let’s have a look!

looking for easy kills

Oh shit, it’s draknor! As you can see from the pic draknor shells penetrate easily into sherman armor like the high school quarterback underneath the bleachers with the cheerleading capt! Anyways it was a firery death for my sherman boys, but don’t worry you will be avenged! The greyhounds are moving into position! And by moving into position i mean running for the hills!


This is a exact moment that sgt. smith’s face riped off and landed in the lap of the other sherman commander. Nice explosion though

huge sherman explosion



Turn 7 – The Marksman

Filed under: — Top Hat @ 10:29 pm

You probably didn’t know this, but I had another Panzer IV to your far right. I was planning to have him slowly move up to the crest of the ridge and try to hit your Shermans from behind, because I just know you were planning to send the Shermans forward toward the abandoned Panzers in an attempt to run over the surviving crewmen, Command & Conquer style, because you’re a sadistic fuck who enjoys listening to shock-jock radio.

My Panzer started to make its way up the ridge, and it didn’t seem like the pack of Shermans had spotted him. But guess who does? A stupid armoured car driving along the road, much further back. Upon spotting my Panzer, the kawk instantly fires his machinegun, and manages to kill the commander. Oh, but that’s not all, the piece of shit is at least half a kilometre away and firing the machinegun while moving. The Panzer crew is in shock because they see Lt. Schepke’s legs convulsing while the back of his trousers slowly become soiled. The armoured car has all the time in the world to stop, aim, and nail the Panzer a couple of times, killing more of the crew.

That’s pretty damn impressive if you ask me. Hitting a man’s head on a moving tank, with a machinegun on a moving AFV, from at least 500 metres away.

Lt. Schepke’s dying wish is that you drive over there and kiss his ass, which will be stone cold by the time you get there.

pic of bs hs
Assface firing his vehicle-mounted machinegun at a Panzer that no normal human would’ve been able to spot (centre of circle). Sgt. Buttlich (shown inset) commented after the battle “Vell you see, I am running the server off my own Rogers connection and I have low ping so people say zat I get lawky head shots but it’s really skill I have the most headshots on my server it’s a lot like za engineering rifle on za Pacific maps in Battlefield…”

Death to the Timmy Killers!

Filed under: — thimble @ 4:11 pm

This turn could’ve went either way, it started out with 2 german tanks in firing range of 4 US Shermans. Having lost 3 tanks already and one with a turret hit the german tankers were quickly drowning in their own piss! And it seems from this picture that one of the panzer tanks actually starting shitting itself!

shitting panzer!

And i understand that reaction, those tankers are probably trying to communicate to their commander TopHat and Top’s in the other room with a pillow over his head after seeing all 4 shermans targetting this panzer. Obviously this tank died a painful death and i think one of the tanker’s bailed out into the pile of shit and died of suffication.

Here’s a shot matrix style of the tank shell entering the orifface of Top’s tank! No Neo style moves can get out of the way of this Nazi-Killing shell! You should’ve taken the blue pill!

matrix tank shell

Next over the ridge comes a tank filled with TopHat supporters ready to die for him! I boy did Top ever let them die! From over 500m away my Greyhound pounded the side of the tank not once but twice! I think the first shot was the killing shot since Top’s tank didn’t fire again and the second side penetrating was the coup de grace.

side fuck

Now i have to congratulate Top on hitting my lead sherman, although you didn’t knock him out you did manage to damage the gun and kill yound timmy, and they were shocked to find that timmy’s groin wrapped around the fuzzy dice near the driver’s seat when they took the hit. Don’t worry Timmy you’ll be avenged!



Turn 5 – Smackdown

Filed under: — Top Hat @ 10:06 am

What a horrible round for me. I now see a tightly grouped pack of Shermans emerging from the cloud of dust they’re kicking up, and still can spot some lighter AFVs heading toward my position on the main road. In the end, I lost two Panzer IIIs, and another Panzer may be out of action (it was hit in the dying seconds of the turn, but I’m unsure of its status).

The Panzer by the road was destroyed because of my stupidity. When I was setting up his orders, I wanted to straighten him out to take a shot at the AFVs further down the road (he was pointing a bit to the right). I was setting up a cover arc, but noticed a “Cover Armor” option in the menu. I used that instead, and thinking it would be like an infantry Cover Arc order, I set an arc directly ahead of the Panzer, thinking it would rotate as the main hull rotated left to face the enemy. Well guess what, it didn’t.

Instead, as the Panzer rotated counter-clockwise, the turret remained at its original orientation. He was looking at nothing but sand and camel shit! The tank started to move up the hill, but the commander was just sitting out there, looking at nothing. Boom… the Panzer was smoked instantly, and the commander just disappeared from the turret. I guess that means the upper half his body is buried in the sand 100m away, and the lower half of his body is still inside the tank. I watched the movie several times, and I have no idea which Allied AFV killed him.

looking the wrong way
Hans: Unteroffizier, why aren’t we watching out for American vehicles down the road?
Unt Kahn: I was ordered to stare in this direction. O mein Gott! Look at that lucious pile of camel shit!

paying the price for looking the wrong way
Unt Kahn: “MEIN LEBEN!”
Hans: “Team! Fall back!”

Meanwhile, some of the other Panzers were ordered to Hunt in the direction of the main Sherman force. I had ordered them to spots that I thought were decent Hull Down positions. You don’t want to know how much time I spent scrutinizing the landscape to determine that they were suitable. Well it looks like I need new fuckin’ glasses. Two Panzer IIIs made contact with the group of Shermans (looks like there are four of them so far), and one Panzer kept snapping his turret around at each target. I guess Helmut couldn’t make up his fuckin’ mind. Anyway, I hit your lead Sherman twice, but it looks like it’s still in good shape. The part that pissed me off is my second hit ricocheted off your turret. Why? Because your Sherman spotted another Panzer and turned its turret to engage! So what could’ve been the killing shot glances off because the Sherman’s turret is spinning around, and then it appears that the same Sherman fired and injured my other Panzer. Come one!

I think this one’s over!

Turn 4 – Contact

Filed under: — Top Hat @ 10:05 am

Finally, after several turns of showing each other our dust clouds, we both make contact. I lost a Panzer, and you lost an armoured car, as they exchanged fire. The Panzer was the “lead” of sorts, as it was the first to get high enough to survey the horizon. It was nestled between the clusters of palm trees by the road, which I figured might provide some concealment from any threat from out in the desert. (I can see a very large dust cloud swirling out there.)

Here’s the kicker: as the Panzer and your armoured car exchange fire, they end up knocking each other out at the same time. Both of their killing shots were their last. My Panzer took out your AFV, but the AFV had already fired the shell that would kill my Panzer commander. I replayed the movie with the camera right behind your armoured car. I see the AFV fire a shot, see it take a hit, hear “GGRRRGGGGUUUURRGGLL”, then hear “GOOD SHOT!” all within a 1-2 second span. I guess the guy celebrating the hit wasn’t the guy who was swallowing his own tongue and nose.

My Panzer took a hit, but wasn’t out of action immediately. It started backing up, but then something blew and it was out of action. I guess something popped inside, causing a couple of casualties. The really shitty thing about this is that tank had my platoon leader in it. He gave the other Panzers in his group a Command bonus of +1. I think this scenario was over the moment he was killed.

EDIT: a Sherman on the flank dealt the killing blow, as shown in the sweet sweet screen captures…

panzer and greyhound exchange fire
The U.S. M8 Greyhound and the German Panzer III score near-simultaneous hits on each other. The Greyhound is out of action, and the damaged Panzer begins to roll back to a hidden position.

retreating panzer nailed by sherman
As the Panzer retreats, three Shermans to its left flank track it. The lead Sherman fires (muzzle flash visible left-of-centre on the horizon) and scores a turret hit. The sight of their commander’s guts all over the inside of the tank prompts the rest of the crew to calmly head for the nearest emergency exit.



Filed under: — Top Hat @ 12:09 am

scenario briefing


After Action Report, Part Deux

Filed under: — Top Hat @ 10:38 pm

Here is the After Action Report.
after battle report
I don’t know how they calculate the points for enemy casualties. Any idea? Maybe we’ll have dig through the battlefront forums.

Surveying the battlefield, I noticed one funny thing. Here is a thumbnail (of sorts) of just about the entire battlefield. Notice my cover arcs on my surviving units, showing that all remaining infantry have fallen back to the top of the hill, which is on the bottom portion of the map. Now look at the top of the battlefield, and there’s a tiny yellow rectangle, top-centre:

I took a closer look and it’s this green vehicle crew, lying in the grass. They are in the middle of nowhere, and their status is “Pinned” and their current action is “Taking Cover”…
lone crazed unit

Taking cover from what? The scent of death? A bad fart? Flying heads? The sound of babies crying? See, this is what happens when you send 14 year olds to war.

As payback for all the trash talk you dished out in your turn emails, I’m going to name my three stars for the game. The first star wins a 4 megapixel digital camera from Kodak!!

Third Star: The 81mm mortar team led by Lt. Shelman (Get it? Shelman?)
Earlier in the game, Lt. Shelman’s mortar team rained high explosive shells, thumbtacks, diseased sheep, and 16-day-old dog feces on the crossroads for three straight turns. Lt. Shelman’s team survived the battle, although like the 8 year old German soldier to the north, they were freaking out by the battle’s end. 8 infantry casualties caused, and 1 set of mortars destroyed.

Second Star: The bazooka team led by Cpl. Daly
Although many engineers and bazooka teams bravely attacked vehicles, Cpl. Daly’s team scored the killing blow to the second Panzer IV, which was threatening the hilltop positions as well as my last Sherman. They tirelessly fell back uphill, hid in the woods, and threatened the final halftrack charge by the Germans causing them to back off, giving the U.S. forces the time they needed. This selfless act resulted in their deaths. 2 infantry casualties caused, 1 Panzer IV destroyed.

First Star: The Sherman tank led by Sgt. Dunlop
They weren’t veterans, merely regulars. Yet, they managed to throw a big wrench in the Germans’ gears. They were ultimately nailed by a mighty Tiger from the side, but their deeds won’t be forgotten, and the surviving crew will make good use of the digital camera. 6 infantry casualties caused, 2 STUGs destroyed, 1 PSW 222 armoured car destroyed.

After Action Report

Filed under: — thimble @ 5:25 pm

Well the boys from texas were able to slow the german assualt, so the mission finished without the germans ever taking a flag. I think the major problem for my troops was they couldn’t get through all the dead american bodies! They were tripping over texans everwhere, just couldn’t find a direct route without bodies acting as road blocks.

So Top good job on winning our first battle, next time I’ll have to work harder at winning instead of erradicating your troops. Also maybe i shouldn’t have lost so much armour. I guess the thing with this map isn’t if the yexans can stop the germans, it’s more of how long they can hold the tide. Because from my point of view i had way more troops and way more armour. The only thing i was missing was more artillery, but i never use those assests very well.

If I played as the USA i think i would’ve been more conservative and waited for the germans to be really close before opening up, so the APCs couldn’t harass me too much since they’d be swiss cheese from the bazookas.



Turn 12 – Race for the finish

Filed under: — thimble @ 10:47 pm

My tanks aren’t moving as quickly as they could be, spending too much time watching texans die. For some reason when your squad got to the road it went from 7 alive members to eliminated. Also I’m not sure but i think the crew from the armoured car got some luger HS action on those kills. Anyways the forest on my side of the road is finally cleared of enemy troops, and the other side is cleaning up nicely, the sqaud that was giving me troubles is leaving shit stains on the ground as they run from the oncoming apc. For some reason you have a crazy man as gunner for your machine gun squad near the hill flag. He’s firing at my armoured car even though it has zero effect. Doesn’t matter he’ll be a bloody stain on the ground shortly.

I can see your original sherman crew in the town, hopefully they aren’t carrying any bazookas. It’s going to be tough to get to the town, if i can make the road next turn my tiger might be able to get there in time.


Turn 11 – Out from the Box Springs Tony the Tiger

Filed under: — Top Hat @ 10:39 pm

Well what a shitty turn that was. Infantry to the north who have now buckled down have met no advancing Germans, which was surprising. Infantry to the west are having a hard time falling back due to long range machinegun fire. The worst of it is a two-parter…

As mentioned in a previous reply, a Kraut APC along the treeline by the road is firing its large gun at one of my infantry teams near the top of the hill. I intended to bring my Sherman forward with the intention of destroying it. However, not only does the APC knock out my infantry unit before the Sherman can do anything, but all of a sudden to the north-east of the map, from the woods, comes a damn Tiger tank. One shot kill to the side of the Sherman from long distance. My Sherman crew had no idea what hit it, and I’m sure those who have rolled out of the tank are now lying in the grass, staring at the sky, thinking that puffy cloud looks a lot like Franklin D. Roosevelt.

That Tiger was identified earlier as a Panzer III, which made me feel safe enough to use the Sherman to help eliminate what I thought were more deadly threats along the road. Although my infantry units to the north never got a 100% visual on it, I would think that you’d have to be pretty slow to guess that that lumbering Tiger would be a puny little Panzer III (I’m guessing a Tiger is double the weight of a Mk III). It’s like a witness to a hit-and-run IDing a Ford Galaxy as a Pinto. Now I’m glad those infantry units to the north are all dead, because they were dumb fucks.

I’ve got very little left. Kommander Thimble knows I have no remaining Shermans, and with his Tiger, and various vehicles-mounted machineguns, as well as a shitload of infantry headed my way, the best I’ll be able to do is ask everyone to whip it out and start pissing in your direction, in the hopes that someone had a lot of asaparagus last night. Maybe the stink will make you think twice about advancing any further.

Turn 10 – Ron Stug can’t shoot no more

Filed under: — thimble @ 1:19 pm

Well the previous turn ended with my remaining forrest stug on a downhill slope eyeing the sherman for revenge. Instead of firing loads into the face of the sherman my stug decided to sit there and do nothing! I guess he couldn’t bring his turret up that high to attack the sherman. So the stug is no more, Top your shermans have the best luck, i don’t think they’ve missed yet. And your first shot hit the stug while you were moving, which usually results in the shell sailing well far of the target.

In the forrest i have a squad right beside your remaining engineer squad. I can hear punches being thrown i think, either that or the sgt of your sqaud is slapping your guys back from the brink of panic. I still haven’t found your prized bazooka team unless those were the guys i slaughtered in the road trench.

I see you launched another mortar attack, when will you stop with that shit? How many rounds of 81mm do you have? I see about 3 units on the hill and I’m guessing those are all artillery spotters. I have special plans for those cowards, i plan to roll them over with my tiger!

Turn 9 – Run away! Run away!

Filed under: — Top Hat @ 12:42 am

For me, this turn was all about retreating, with the remote hope of regrouping. To the north of the road, it’s pretty clear that all remaining infantry units are pretty much screwed. Instead of ignoring them, I thought it might be possible to have them use the only escape route possible: through the trees and to the road. Any other route most likely ensures death.

I don’t think it’s any big secret to outline those who have been trapped on the north side of the road: I’ve got a poorly placed machinegun crew, one more squad, both of their CO, and the HEROIC bazooka team that took out your armoured car in an earlier turn. :)

I laid down some cover fire with my Sherman, firing at one of the advancing Kraut squads from a distance, hoping it would keep them, and any nearby units ducking for cover. I also asked for mortar fire between the remaining STUG plus its accompanying infantry group, and my full squad. We’re talking mere metres between them. All infantry were ordered to run for their lives through the woods. I assume such an order would make it through in good time because the CO was in close contact to all units.

The lone machinegun team faired poorly, which I suppose was to be expected, since they were already exposed on one side by the advancing Dolph Lundgrens, and the other by the remaining STUG’s machinegun. They were wiped out. What I wasn’t sure about was how the full squad would react to my orders. They were so damn close to a couple of German infantry squads (who seemed to be advancing on my position, but also seemed to be taking cover, possibly from mortar fire from the last turn) and had the “pinned” status, I wasn’t sure if the “run” order would kick in. (Should I have ordered them to “withdraw” instead?) As of the end of the turn, they still are stuck close to where they started, with no covering fire to assist a retreat. My bazooka team and CO have escaped immediate danger, but their pant bottoms are stained from fear-induced shite.

Meanwhile, further south, my lone Sherman has given up on hunting the Panzer III and armoured car to the far north, which are obviously trying to get around the forest to flank me (you asswipe), and was laying down area fire to help cover the infantry units’ retreat. Unforunately, or fortunately, it was distracted by the presence of an armoured car by the road a bit west of its intended target, and knocked out the armoured car with two hits.

Toward the west end of the map, the German infantry advances via truck and half-track, and has interfered with some of my infantry movement. I fear that it is simply a matter of time before the infantry on the west, and the Panzer toward the north-east clamp down on my remaining forces, and squeeze the shit out of me.

I am desperately trying to build a Ghost unit so I can cloak and launch a nuclear attack. Yes, wrong game, but my heart is in the right place.


Turn 8 – Bazookas and why i hate them

Filed under: — thimble @ 1:08 pm

Well I thought this round was going to be sweet sweet killing of the americans by my superior Dulph Lungrend german super troopers. My tanks were lying in waiting, hidden in the forrest and ready to show the shermans what a real tank can do. Only TopHat had his bazooka team was ready to fire once more, i think it’s because Top’s been playing too much bf:vietnam and so he has his team doing guerrilla tactics. So he managed to take out one of my panzerIVs in the forrest. One sherman was already down so i guess that’s a fair trade.

Another panzerIV was on the south side of the road moving slowly towards firing position on the other sherman when wham! Bazooka to the head(literally, i lost my driver). So the tank was shocked and couldn’t fire it’s main gun, so it retreated from the hail of bazooka fire. I feel like I’m in black hawk down, rpg’s going everwhere! Eventually the bazooka’s find their mark and that panzerIV and my plans of flanking the sherman and cutting off the retreat of those fleeing infantry are lost.

Also i have dumbasses driving my apc/trucks. These vehicles are loaded with quality units, ready to kick some democratic ass! Unfortunately they can’t get into the action since the drivers are taking their sweet sweet time going through the trees. It would’ve been nice if those infantry could’ve been beside the tank to protect it from the hail of bazooka’s but no they had to practice their parallel parking in the forrest!

The good news is that Top lost another 2 squads of engineers, so he’s now down to 3 spent artillery spooters and 2 bazooka rounds! Nothing can really stop ze germans now!



Filed under: — Top Hat @ 2:59 am

Dude, what are you feeding those Germans on the “north” side of the road? For the last couple of turns, they’ve been running, screaming, throwing ‘nades, killing people… I can’t get my infantry to back off properly. Those sons of bitches have wiped out one of my squads (as they were running for their lives), and then as they came upon my machinegun crew, they started putting the pressure on them as well. I’m convinced those German infantry have been running for the last 300 metres, thus they are all cloned Dolph Lundgrens. (I know he’s not German, shut up.)

Meanwhile, a bit further north, a couple of monsters (STUGs?) and a Panzer III come rolling out of nowhere. They were starting to roll right by my squad under the trees, but then my boys were spotted by some German peeping Tom across the field. The turn movie ended, and now I have no idea what’s going to happen. They are mere metres away from the STUGs…

And to the “south” of the road my retreating infantry are screaming for their lives. I listened closely when the camera was zoomed in while playing the turn movie, and I heard one of the grunts scream “Tell Maria I love her!” I sent some smoke shells behind their position in an attempt to mask their retreat, but that was pretty ineffective. This was partly because the mortar team was a bit off the mark, and partly because the smoke wasn’t thick enough. If the retreating infantry had all lit up cigars, they probably would’ve done a better job.

See you in hell!

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