Combat Mission Battle Logs


Turn 7 – The Marksman

Filed under: — Top Hat @ 10:29 pm

You probably didn’t know this, but I had another Panzer IV to your far right. I was planning to have him slowly move up to the crest of the ridge and try to hit your Shermans from behind, because I just know you were planning to send the Shermans forward toward the abandoned Panzers in an attempt to run over the surviving crewmen, Command & Conquer style, because you’re a sadistic fuck who enjoys listening to shock-jock radio.

My Panzer started to make its way up the ridge, and it didn’t seem like the pack of Shermans had spotted him. But guess who does? A stupid armoured car driving along the road, much further back. Upon spotting my Panzer, the kawk instantly fires his machinegun, and manages to kill the commander. Oh, but that’s not all, the piece of shit is at least half a kilometre away and firing the machinegun while moving. The Panzer crew is in shock because they see Lt. Schepke’s legs convulsing while the back of his trousers slowly become soiled. The armoured car has all the time in the world to stop, aim, and nail the Panzer a couple of times, killing more of the crew.

That’s pretty damn impressive if you ask me. Hitting a man’s head on a moving tank, with a machinegun on a moving AFV, from at least 500 metres away.

Lt. Schepke’s dying wish is that you drive over there and kiss his ass, which will be stone cold by the time you get there.

pic of bs hs
Assface firing his vehicle-mounted machinegun at a Panzer that no normal human would’ve been able to spot (centre of circle). Sgt. Buttlich (shown inset) commented after the battle “Vell you see, I am running the server off my own Rogers connection and I have low ping so people say zat I get lawky head shots but it’s really skill I have the most headshots on my server it’s a lot like za engineering rifle on za Pacific maps in Battlefield…”

Death to the Timmy Killers!

Filed under: — thimble @ 4:11 pm

This turn could’ve went either way, it started out with 2 german tanks in firing range of 4 US Shermans. Having lost 3 tanks already and one with a turret hit the german tankers were quickly drowning in their own piss! And it seems from this picture that one of the panzer tanks actually starting shitting itself!

shitting panzer!

And i understand that reaction, those tankers are probably trying to communicate to their commander TopHat and Top’s in the other room with a pillow over his head after seeing all 4 shermans targetting this panzer. Obviously this tank died a painful death and i think one of the tanker’s bailed out into the pile of shit and died of suffication.

Here’s a shot matrix style of the tank shell entering the orifface of Top’s tank! No Neo style moves can get out of the way of this Nazi-Killing shell! You should’ve taken the blue pill!

matrix tank shell

Next over the ridge comes a tank filled with TopHat supporters ready to die for him! I boy did Top ever let them die! From over 500m away my Greyhound pounded the side of the tank not once but twice! I think the first shot was the killing shot since Top’s tank didn’t fire again and the second side penetrating was the coup de grace.

side fuck

Now i have to congratulate Top on hitting my lead sherman, although you didn’t knock him out you did manage to damage the gun and kill yound timmy, and they were shocked to find that timmy’s groin wrapped around the fuzzy dice near the driver’s seat when they took the hit. Don’t worry Timmy you’ll be avenged!


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