Combat Mission Battle Logs


Turn 23 – Stalemate

Filed under: — Top Hat @ 10:31 pm

After Thimble’s ramming attempt with his Sherman, the next bunch of turns saw me cautiously moving my Tigers over the ridge, and Thimble moving his reinforcements into position. Shortly after his last Sherman was destroyed, we had this exchange on ICQ:

Thimble: now wtf am i supposed to do? Ram my greyhounds into your tigers???
Thimble: you’re going to smoke me!
Top Hat: you’ve got another sherman and reinforcements
Thimble: i don’t get any reinforcements of shermans!
Thimble: seriously

“Seriously,” he claims. He was pretty serious when my Tiger finally made visual contact with four M10 tank destroyers, all moving in for the kill. Wow, what a spineless lying sack of shit.

Anyhoo, the rest of the scenario…

Turn 16: Four M10 tank destroyers show up on the horizon. Seriously.

Turn 17: The lead Tiger knocks out one M10. Seriously.

Turn 18: The lead Tiger takes out two more M10s (hitting each at least twice), and in turn ends up taking two hits as well. Seriously.

Meanwhile, the other Tiger, preoccupied with the dust cloud to the flank, stupidly crawled out of its hull-down position, only to be completely wasted by the fourth M10.

Turn 19-20: My last Tiger and Thimble’s last M10 aren’t going to be too aggressive. Meanwhile, my last remaining Panzer IV (gun damaged) and Thimble’s last Greyhound are in somewhat more adventurous moods. I send my Panzer straight to where I think the M10 may be hiding. Thimble sends his Greyhound charging in over the ridge to my flank.

Turn 21: My Panzer IV spots the M10, and isn’t it tragic that the Panzer’s destination point is right where the M10 is sitting. Before the turn’s end, the M10 scores two hits on the Panzer, but does not take it out! Seriously.

Turn 22: My Panzer IV, now in the sights of both the M10 and Greyhound, ends up taking a total of five hits, the two brutal shots naturally coming from the M10 (the Greyhound’s hits were similar to a butt-smack that happens during street b-ball in a Cranberries T-shirt).

Turn 23: Computer stops the game and calls us both pathetic losers. The After Action Report:

after action report

final map
A bird’s eye view of the main combat area, with units enlarged to +4. The critical ridge line in this scenario is indicated by the line of abandonned tanks. Remaining units in the stalemate are the lead Tiger (centre, hidden among trees), an M10 (top, hidden behind trees), and a Greyhound (far right, charging in like a mad man). The turn before this, the now smoking Panzer IV (second from the right) was part of the action. What the fuck are those infantry cacks doing?

Top Hat’s star of the scenario:
I can’t decide between Unt. Heinrich “Klassy” Klassen’s Tiger tank, which scored 7 confirmed kills, or Unt. Werner’s Super Panzer IV, which survived 7 hits before finally going down in flames.

Turn 12 – Wrath of Khan

Filed under: — thimble @ 10:18 am

After having lost all 3 of my sherman tank brothers I’ve decided that the only way to stop this madman is to ram him! He must be stopped or the entire universe will be overrun by his genetically enhanced nazi thugs. I’ve spotted Khan’s tank, and I’m at full speed!

trying to ram tiger

This one’s for Timmy…shit he’s spotted me, i just hope we’re able to ram him before he can stop us!

ramming failed

KHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN! No a lucky track hit as your first shot! Come one! Don’t worry my greyhoung got away and is rallying the reinforcements as we speak. You won’t get far Khan!



Turn 11 – Greyhounds: Breakaway Speed, but Slow on Those Turns

Filed under: — Top Hat @ 9:30 pm

Now that the Shermans have been taken care of, onto business with those scumbag Greyhounds! I ordered a Tiger to start making a run for the high point along the main road, in the hopes of catching those two asswipes. And boy, did I ever catch them with their pants down. At the end of the last turn, they saw the Tiger at the bottom of the hill and slammed on the brakes. I assumed they were going to gun it in reverse until they were at least out of sight. Instead, they decided to practice their 3-point turns. It was very educational…

3-point turn, part 1
3-point turn, part 2
3-point turn, part 3
3-point turn, part 4

The other Greyhound managed to get away. Cue Benny Hill theme:

I think he covered half a kilometre in about 4 seconds. I commend you on your ability to flee!


Mid-Scenario Postcard

Filed under: — Top Hat @ 5:49 pm

Got this postcard from uncle Heinrich. Note how the ridge-line is a real kill zone!

Turn 10 – Draknor Redux!

Filed under: — thimble @ 12:28 pm

Well my other sherman team decided to put on their anti-draknor goggles, their commander has informed them this will protect them from any of draknor’s weapons! This could prove the turning point, these goggles are the culmination of the brooklyn project, a secret government science project to produce a defense against the evil draknor!

wearing draknor goggles

This is the moment of truth! This is what it all comes down too, will years of research and millions spent on this research project pay off? I’ll let the picture speak for itself…



Turn 9 – I call him Draknor!

Filed under: — thimble @ 12:12 pm

Well this turn started out in the noble cause of science, my hypothesis was that german nazis crush easily under sherman tank treads. Like many other noble causes this one was stop short by an evil tyrrant, i call him draknor! Draknor takes the form of a tiger tank in this tale and man does he ruin it for my sherman guys!

As you can see i come over the ridge looking for nazi’s to steamroll, maybe the nazis are hiding behind those trees? Let’s have a look!

looking for easy kills

Oh shit, it’s draknor! As you can see from the pic draknor shells penetrate easily into sherman armor like the high school quarterback underneath the bleachers with the cheerleading capt! Anyways it was a firery death for my sherman boys, but don’t worry you will be avenged! The greyhounds are moving into position! And by moving into position i mean running for the hills!


This is a exact moment that sgt. smith’s face riped off and landed in the lap of the other sherman commander. Nice explosion though

huge sherman explosion



Turn 7 – The Marksman

Filed under: — Top Hat @ 10:29 pm

You probably didn’t know this, but I had another Panzer IV to your far right. I was planning to have him slowly move up to the crest of the ridge and try to hit your Shermans from behind, because I just know you were planning to send the Shermans forward toward the abandoned Panzers in an attempt to run over the surviving crewmen, Command & Conquer style, because you’re a sadistic fuck who enjoys listening to shock-jock radio.

My Panzer started to make its way up the ridge, and it didn’t seem like the pack of Shermans had spotted him. But guess who does? A stupid armoured car driving along the road, much further back. Upon spotting my Panzer, the kawk instantly fires his machinegun, and manages to kill the commander. Oh, but that’s not all, the piece of shit is at least half a kilometre away and firing the machinegun while moving. The Panzer crew is in shock because they see Lt. Schepke’s legs convulsing while the back of his trousers slowly become soiled. The armoured car has all the time in the world to stop, aim, and nail the Panzer a couple of times, killing more of the crew.

That’s pretty damn impressive if you ask me. Hitting a man’s head on a moving tank, with a machinegun on a moving AFV, from at least 500 metres away.

Lt. Schepke’s dying wish is that you drive over there and kiss his ass, which will be stone cold by the time you get there.

pic of bs hs
Assface firing his vehicle-mounted machinegun at a Panzer that no normal human would’ve been able to spot (centre of circle). Sgt. Buttlich (shown inset) commented after the battle “Vell you see, I am running the server off my own Rogers connection and I have low ping so people say zat I get lawky head shots but it’s really skill I have the most headshots on my server it’s a lot like za engineering rifle on za Pacific maps in Battlefield…”

Death to the Timmy Killers!

Filed under: — thimble @ 4:11 pm

This turn could’ve went either way, it started out with 2 german tanks in firing range of 4 US Shermans. Having lost 3 tanks already and one with a turret hit the german tankers were quickly drowning in their own piss! And it seems from this picture that one of the panzer tanks actually starting shitting itself!

shitting panzer!

And i understand that reaction, those tankers are probably trying to communicate to their commander TopHat and Top’s in the other room with a pillow over his head after seeing all 4 shermans targetting this panzer. Obviously this tank died a painful death and i think one of the tanker’s bailed out into the pile of shit and died of suffication.

Here’s a shot matrix style of the tank shell entering the orifface of Top’s tank! No Neo style moves can get out of the way of this Nazi-Killing shell! You should’ve taken the blue pill!

matrix tank shell

Next over the ridge comes a tank filled with TopHat supporters ready to die for him! I boy did Top ever let them die! From over 500m away my Greyhound pounded the side of the tank not once but twice! I think the first shot was the killing shot since Top’s tank didn’t fire again and the second side penetrating was the coup de grace.

side fuck

Now i have to congratulate Top on hitting my lead sherman, although you didn’t knock him out you did manage to damage the gun and kill yound timmy, and they were shocked to find that timmy’s groin wrapped around the fuzzy dice near the driver’s seat when they took the hit. Don’t worry Timmy you’ll be avenged!



Turn 5 – Smackdown

Filed under: — Top Hat @ 10:06 am

What a horrible round for me. I now see a tightly grouped pack of Shermans emerging from the cloud of dust they’re kicking up, and still can spot some lighter AFVs heading toward my position on the main road. In the end, I lost two Panzer IIIs, and another Panzer may be out of action (it was hit in the dying seconds of the turn, but I’m unsure of its status).

The Panzer by the road was destroyed because of my stupidity. When I was setting up his orders, I wanted to straighten him out to take a shot at the AFVs further down the road (he was pointing a bit to the right). I was setting up a cover arc, but noticed a “Cover Armor” option in the menu. I used that instead, and thinking it would be like an infantry Cover Arc order, I set an arc directly ahead of the Panzer, thinking it would rotate as the main hull rotated left to face the enemy. Well guess what, it didn’t.

Instead, as the Panzer rotated counter-clockwise, the turret remained at its original orientation. He was looking at nothing but sand and camel shit! The tank started to move up the hill, but the commander was just sitting out there, looking at nothing. Boom… the Panzer was smoked instantly, and the commander just disappeared from the turret. I guess that means the upper half his body is buried in the sand 100m away, and the lower half of his body is still inside the tank. I watched the movie several times, and I have no idea which Allied AFV killed him.

looking the wrong way
Hans: Unteroffizier, why aren’t we watching out for American vehicles down the road?
Unt Kahn: I was ordered to stare in this direction. O mein Gott! Look at that lucious pile of camel shit!

paying the price for looking the wrong way
Unt Kahn: “MEIN LEBEN!”
Hans: “Team! Fall back!”

Meanwhile, some of the other Panzers were ordered to Hunt in the direction of the main Sherman force. I had ordered them to spots that I thought were decent Hull Down positions. You don’t want to know how much time I spent scrutinizing the landscape to determine that they were suitable. Well it looks like I need new fuckin’ glasses. Two Panzer IIIs made contact with the group of Shermans (looks like there are four of them so far), and one Panzer kept snapping his turret around at each target. I guess Helmut couldn’t make up his fuckin’ mind. Anyway, I hit your lead Sherman twice, but it looks like it’s still in good shape. The part that pissed me off is my second hit ricocheted off your turret. Why? Because your Sherman spotted another Panzer and turned its turret to engage! So what could’ve been the killing shot glances off because the Sherman’s turret is spinning around, and then it appears that the same Sherman fired and injured my other Panzer. Come one!

I think this one’s over!

Turn 4 – Contact

Filed under: — Top Hat @ 10:05 am

Finally, after several turns of showing each other our dust clouds, we both make contact. I lost a Panzer, and you lost an armoured car, as they exchanged fire. The Panzer was the “lead” of sorts, as it was the first to get high enough to survey the horizon. It was nestled between the clusters of palm trees by the road, which I figured might provide some concealment from any threat from out in the desert. (I can see a very large dust cloud swirling out there.)

Here’s the kicker: as the Panzer and your armoured car exchange fire, they end up knocking each other out at the same time. Both of their killing shots were their last. My Panzer took out your AFV, but the AFV had already fired the shell that would kill my Panzer commander. I replayed the movie with the camera right behind your armoured car. I see the AFV fire a shot, see it take a hit, hear “GGRRRGGGGUUUURRGGLL”, then hear “GOOD SHOT!” all within a 1-2 second span. I guess the guy celebrating the hit wasn’t the guy who was swallowing his own tongue and nose.

My Panzer took a hit, but wasn’t out of action immediately. It started backing up, but then something blew and it was out of action. I guess something popped inside, causing a couple of casualties. The really shitty thing about this is that tank had my platoon leader in it. He gave the other Panzers in his group a Command bonus of +1. I think this scenario was over the moment he was killed.

EDIT: a Sherman on the flank dealt the killing blow, as shown in the sweet sweet screen captures…

panzer and greyhound exchange fire
The U.S. M8 Greyhound and the German Panzer III score near-simultaneous hits on each other. The Greyhound is out of action, and the damaged Panzer begins to roll back to a hidden position.

retreating panzer nailed by sherman
As the Panzer retreats, three Shermans to its left flank track it. The lead Sherman fires (muzzle flash visible left-of-centre on the horizon) and scores a turret hit. The sight of their commander’s guts all over the inside of the tank prompts the rest of the crew to calmly head for the nearest emergency exit.



Filed under: — Top Hat @ 12:09 am

scenario briefing

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